Mum needs help. Please advise?
Posted in ContributorsHi all
Just wondered if anybody has had experience like this and could therefore advise me. My 14yr old daughter suffers with anxiety and stress as a result of bullying all through school and emotional upsets like deaths, moving and her own personal illness’ (chronic period problems, ibs and ovarian cysts). Recently she has become worse with symptoms of agoraphobia. She will do anything to get home early from school and hates going in every day. This has recently become a bigger problem as she has lied to the school that she was approached by a guy at the bus stop on the way to school. The school police support officer took details from her and i was called. She has an appointment tomorrow with a clinical psychologist and im not sure of the implications in telling her this ( I know that i should) if she does will the psychologist be obliged to tell the school and the police? I dont want her tarnished with a bad reputation for the rest of her school days for this one mistake. She knows this was wrong and is so upset about it that she has agreed to speak to the psychologist as she now knows she has a problem. Its not just this incident she also has a problem with paranoia as even in the privacy of the bathroom she covers herself with a towel as she feels like she is in the middle of her class and all can see her. Shes such a good kid i dont want to make a mistake that will effect her for the rest of her life. Please advise.
Hi Thanks for your answer. I know that home schooling is an option but isnt that just facilitating her feelings to the home? I have considered it but i do think that finding a way to help her cope with school and socialising etc may be more beneficial to her in the long run?????
Sorry i may not have been very clear earlier. The bullying occured until the age of 11yrs and she is now 14. The school she is in now is really good and she loves it, thats not the problem. She seems to have developed a type of phobia connected to school.
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Posted: November 21st, 2009 at 1:00 pm |
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November 21st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
When I was in high school I got teased major. My parents were in the military so we moved every 2-4 years, and I also suffer from period problems and IBS. While I didn’t have agoraphobia, I understand what your daughter is going through.
It will get better for her I promise. I think the psychologist will be very good for her. It will let her talk to someone else outside the family that she’ll be able to trust. The only way the psych will say anything to police is if s/he feels your daughter will hurt herself or others. If they don’t get that vibe then it falls under the doctor/patient confidentiality.
I feel that all the bullying I went through has made who I am today, and that is very passionate and caring person. I found I connected with animals while I was in school and that has carried on with me into adult hood.
About the bathroom thing, its normal. I’m 24 and I still put a towel around me even though no one is with me. I’ve always done it and probably always will.
November 21st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
School and society make things so hard for young girls, honestly…I went through a lot also when I was going…I’m 35 now, And i can tell you, if my child seemed to be going through THAT much, I would take her out…..I would give her the option to do homeschooling, Explaining that she could get her would done, at her own pace, in her P.j’s and not have to deal with all the other pressures of school…and honestly, isn’t that why she’s going, to learn and brighten her future….?? I say do what’s best for her…..**************EDIT*********HOmeschooling is a very good thing!! I have a thirteen year old son that has done it his whole life…I also have 3 other sons that go to school…the difference between the two is astounding! If I could home school all of my children…I would….Some kids do better in this kind of environment. I was involved with a lot of drama in school, I don’t even know why my parent sent me, to be honest…I wasn’t there to learn anything….Honestly, school for me was a place to go hang out for the day….As far as the bullying is concerned…..That’s great that she likes school, but given the opportunity to excel in her studies, is more important than seeing her buddies at school….she can still have her friends too….!!! I so recommend it, I think you both would be pleased!
November 21st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
this is awful to hear!! im deeply touched and feel for her and you.. my cousins were bullied in school and at their home, one of them with downsyndrome.. i really upset me.. i dont think perhaps she has a physocilogcal porblem but by al this trauma it does sound like she being pushed into that direction.. be strong for her and dont worry about what that poorly run school thinks of her.. i mean sholdnt the teachers be putting a stop to this??.. and if they are not isnt that a sign of a bad school?? i hope soo deeply she can be helped and perhaps moved to a betta school and her problems will become betta..ALL OF THEM!! best of wishesd and my thoughts r with yu and her.. she sounds like a lovely great kid
November 21st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
i would suggest home schooling if going to school is causing such emotional angst
i think it is rather late to worry about socialising if she has been exposed to bullying for too many YEARS now
the IBS could be an indicator of how stressed she is and she isn’t benefiting from being ’socialised’ at school as well as the paranoia and agoraphobia that you mention
many kids are home schools and the parents get together with one another regularly so that the kids still get socialised with one another whilst you can target her emotional needs at the same time as her educational ones
November 21st, 2009 at 1:02 pm
It sounds a bit like a hormone related problem to me - paranoia can be caused by this. Has she got PCOS as well? Perhaps look into a more natural diet (enough B12? is she long term veggie) and get her hormones tested.
I’ve not read the links, but maybe they’ll get you thinking
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