Can things ever be the same again? Will I ever forget the way she acted?

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Me and my ex are seeing each other fairly reguarly. We split 5 mths ago, her choice.

At the time we split her Dr said she was depressed, she agreed & the Dr gave her meds & counselling. 10 days later she said she wasn’t depressed & blamed our relationship for her unhapiness. She took the meds but refused counselling.

I tried to sort stuff with her for a mth or so, she wasn’t interested. We went our separate ways, both dated other people briefly, neither worked.

She is hinting she may be interested again. She has invited me over to her place for dinner.

I just wonder if things can ever be the same again. I did so much for her when we were together and it wasn’t always easy. She got down and I was there for her. She suffers from Chronic fatigue syndrome and I read into the illness, always there to give her a hug etc and she just ended things suddenly. I was devastated at the time.

She now admits she was depressed at the time. I still love her but she hurt me so badly!!???
I am sure she knows she hurt me badly. I hinted recently at how I was at the time I split and she looked like she was about to start crying.

I do really miss her but it took me ages to get over what happened.
She was prescribed prozac around the time we split. She told me her Dr has now said she can come off it and she was gradually brought off it.

She had a history of depression, since a teenager, she is now 28.

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Posted: November 23rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm |

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srracvuee Says:
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm

she is ill and needs medical attention again! she’s acting typical and it wont change if or when you take up her invite so best keep apart physically until she regains her health and i’m sure everything will be just fine

carolus Says:
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm

depressive people do not know what love is- so they come and go -losing time of others.

Herbie Says:
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm

prozac and zoloft both kill a sex drive completly. That’s why she didn’t want you back back then. She’s ok now, but 5 months of an antidepressant isn’t a cure. it could come back,a nd if you’re going to commit to this girl, you commit to the fact that she could relapse and you need to be on your toes for that, and get her help when it does happen.

Susan L Says:
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm

You can’t fix someone else and you can’t live for someone else; you choose to remember to the extent that you do ; you choose to live in the past; you choose to stay in limbo; you choose not to heal and move on; she made a choice and now you second guess it; just b/c you dated a few means nothing; you have to be in a position to accept a new relationship and enter into fairly; you have not done that with one foot dragging behind you; stop looking to others and fix and heal yourself so you can find the right relationship ; you are not Mr. Fix it Man for her; she has to fix herself; move on with your life; you will never get this day, hour , minute or second to do over or to live again; you travel this road but once, learn but now move on, heal and live your life for which you and only you are accountable for.

Vivek Says:
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm

Check out whether you want to get into this again as you sufferred the first time you went apart, it could be worse for both of you.

By the way, what was the initial reason for her taking Prozac, was she ‘depressed’ all along or was it because of the break-up?

If both of you have sufferred because of the breakup and both want to be together, then its different. But if any of you is having second thoughts then the best would be to meet at least once and try and figure out what both of you have to say to each other.

And…Best of Luck

mojo jo jo Says:
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm

It really is difficut to say whether things can be the same again or if indeed you should give things another go. It is easy for an outsider to say don’t or do, but we aren’t emotionally involved. To be honest, you may be getting a lucky escape if you leave it. You will find someone else and it may be a less draining relationship for you to be involved in. I am sure your ex didn’t end the relationship just to hurt you, but it did. You have the chance of a whole new life and a fresh start. You probably know how your relationship will pan out with the ex, were you really happy with her anyway, or was is a lot of hard work. Don’t just get back together in order to heal the pain that the split caused. Also sometimes people want someone back because suddenely their security blanked doesn’t seem as interested as they were..what i mean is, and i don’t mean this to be cruel at all, but maybe she started to panic, once you had gone your seperate ways for good, and didn’t like the feeling that Mr Reliable wasn’t hammering on her door any more. There is a lot for you to think about, don’t rush into anything… perhaps tell her you don’t want to see her for a while so you can both really decide what you want and perhaps arrange a place to meet on a certain day in order to talk things through…but maybe that is just dragging it on even longer. Good luck to you. You sound like a very decent man and maybe it is time for you to focus on yourself for a while and a good women will turn up i am sure!

KEN W1953 Says:
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm

Time heals.

Emma Says:
November 23rd, 2009 at 3:24 pm

I think you are healing already. At least you are now acknowledging your pain, ie you are now talking about you. You are number 1 here, never forget that. Depression is a very selfish condition and a huge burden to take on in any relationship (I suffered with post natal depression). The whole fact here is can you really be happy with someone who is going through so much and probably finds day to day living so difficult. She may not have anything to give to you, in a physical and mental way, she is finding life hard enough without an intimate relationship. Relationships need to be give and take for them to be healthy.

Women find it very comfortable being frinds with an ex who they are not in love with. They like the familiarity and she obviously likes your company. I think because of all her problems she is unable to take on all the hurt you have suffered because she is so bogged down with her own.

You sound like a lovely caring guy. I know this sounds like a cliche but you could be with a woman who really appreiates your qualities on an even footing. She will not mean to, but will probably drag you down with her problems and are you able to remain in this constant state of negativity? I am saying this because I have been in a situation similar to hers and I know how hard it is to give to anyone when you are depressed. At least you are thinking more clearly now, so try and distance yourself and start looking after yourself.

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